#SEBestLife

 I   find myself simultaneously holding on to a life that is no longer mine, while playing a guest appearance in the life I'm now living. Temporarily making a cameo until I return to that which is me. I think that's the hardest part about being "real" sick. Some part of you thinks it's not real, it's just a dream, any moment you'll wake up and rejoice in your old life before the nightmare. Reconnecting and catching up on all the things you've missed while you were gone. Then something happens and it hits you like a wrecking ball, you're already awake. You're not a guest actor. You've been going through the motions, pinning for another lifetime, the other you. The one you love and miss dearly.  I heard a song on the radio the other day that I wasn't really listening too until I heard "it's ok not to be ok, your tears don't mean you're losing" came blaring over the speakers. I was off in outer space contemplating...

When I was thinking of the subtitle of my blog I initially wanted to include Crohn's Disease. Kind of like paying homage, paying my respect for the fact it was the very thing that started this all. Technically, I was diagnosed with it first. Like a principle thing you know? But honestly, I wanted to make a pun on the Promise from the Declaration of Independence. That is, Life, Liberty; and the pursuit of happiness. [go look back at blog title, lol].  Crohn's is one of those kinds of diseases where you get diagnosed, and you don't really think it's that bad until you've had an ACTUAL bad day. I had my actual bad day on, SEPTEMBER SECOND, TWO THOUSAND and FIFTEEN. Yes, that is the very inspiration for the title of my blog. It was the day my life changed forever. The visions of who I thought I was going to be were all destroyed that day. As long as I live, I will remember SEPTEMBER SECOND. Don't get me wrong. I threw up everything including water for two stra...

Truth:  tro͞oTH /  noun the quality or state of being true. "he had to accept the truth of her accusation" synonyms: veracity ,  truthfulness ,  verity ,  sincerity ,  candor ,  honesty . Why as adults do we not tell the WHOLE truth? I'm not talking 'white-lies' or over exaggerating, I mean how we as humans don't process feelings or emotions or events that extrinsically shape us. The things that affect us on a level we don't immediately understand so we hide from them. When you broke up with her why did you say it was "you, not her"? When you had to let that person go you told them you had to "cut back" rather than they preformed poorly. Or maybe that time your friend invited you out for drinks and you passed for the 9th time citing, "busy work week" over "honestly I don't like hanging with you anymore". What is it about the truth that scares us and allows us to evade it, until its presence...

It's funny how the universe gives you exactly what you need sometimes. Like literally exactly what you need. I've been pushing myself to be open to new opportunities in places I may not have usually looked. How glad I am I decided to  honor  my request.  It seems when one opens themselves up to possibilities, the universe decides to send those possibilities right on over. Like a  summer  sky, it was perfect. My soul was fed and my spirits lifted. I was temporarily  swept off my feet , carried to nirvana. Reservations. Dinner. Stimulating exchanges. East Coast Living. Politics. Off-polling years. Up-dog. LLUMC. Nurses. Inland Empire-ing. Motorcycles.  Burgers .  Beer  variations. Amazing.  When the silence came it was only to be met with the blazing bullets of DeadShot or the shrieking laugh of the  Joker . The dark beautiful romance. The morning of a superman. The dimly lit ambiance. The sultry seduction of the enchantress. ...