015: Forever Young.

Some say it's genetics and others say it's lotion. Either way, I've always looked at least 5 years younger than the age on my birth certificate. I embrace natures mystery, essentially I've shaved a couple years off of my age every year because of it (lol). But this year, this year! I'm conflicted. You see, last year was supposed to be my last birthday. Last year on October 15, I spent my birthday in the activities room of my hospital floor. I was surrounded by close friends and family. In an air of somber happiness we laughed, we listened to music, we ate chicken wings, and chocolate covered strawberries. We celebrated my life. We celebrated my birthday for what we thought was the last time together. 

The fact that I am a day from my birthday, a year later is a miracle. When doctors told me I wouldn't, he told me I would. All I needed was the faith of a mustard seed. I was assigned that mountain to show others it could be moved. Somehow I found my head bloodied, but unbowed. I have every reason to be broken, but I stand here today unconquered. The storm is still ragging, but today I have unfettered calming peace. Today there isn't anyone or anything that could possibly steal my joy. I'm living on borrowed time. Every moment is that much sweeter, every triumph that much greater, and every defeat that much more of a motivation. 

Jay-Z said "So we live a life like a video. Where the sun is always out and you never get old. And the champagne’s always cold. Without a wrinkle in today. Cause there is no tomorrow. Just some picture perfect day. To last a whole lifetime. And it never ends. Cause all we have to do is hit rewind. So let's just stay in the moment, smoke some weed, drink some wine, reminisce, talk some shit forever young is in our mind. Leave a mark that can’t erase, neither space nor time. So when the director yells cut, I’ll be fine. 

I’m forever young..." 

I don't think I could express my feelings any better than through Jay-Z's lyrics. The goal in life isn't to live forever, but to live. Truly live. Enjoying every moment whether it's good or bad. Taking in all that life has to offer. So when it's all said and done, when the director yells cut, when you can't press rewind; you'll meet death as an old friend. Ready to catch up on the wonderful life you have lived. I used to be afraid to die, that day in September I was terrified because I hadn't yet lived. I always walked on the safe side of the road so I wouldn't get hurt, I did the expected things, I never really pushed the envelope. After cheating death, I now have a greater appreciation for my mortality. I don't want to live forever, especially in this diseased body. I do however want to live to my fullest capacity for whatever amount of time I have here on earth. 

Approaching live with the attitude of someone living like the moment I'm in is the most precious one. Emitting the vibes of a person just sipping cold champagne and soaking in sun rays. Not afraid of tomorrow because I'm too busy living in today. "YOLO", but not the reckless destructive behavior but the "hey I only live once so I might as well live my life unafraid and unapologetic. They say "youth is waisted on the young". Probably because when we are young, we are too quick to grow up and rush the hands of time. When we should be just enjoying the moments we have without a wrinkle in today. Because whether you are fighting a chronic illness like me or perfectly healthy, tomorrow is never promised to you. While I'll admit, battling my illness isn't  always a Jay-Z video; but there still is a life to be lived. I still can find beauty in my journey. Instead of being ashamed that I'm getting older, today I thank my lucky stars I have the privilege to do so. To age another year is a gift. (I've done so quite gracefully if you ask me lol). 

Because...

I'm forever young. And this year, I'm 28 years young and I couldn't be more grateful to OWN THAT TRUTH & say it out loud! 

Ox.