009: Smile.

Ever since I made the decision to accept my truths, and ALL that they might surface I've been so happy. It's unnerving. I can't stop smiling, I've had the most wonderful conversations with the folks in my life. I feel a calm and peace that I can't articulate beyond that. 

I've talked so much on the phone lately, I'm starting to wonder why I ever despised it in the first place. Once a certain level of candor is reached within a relationship dynamic it's really quite beautiful. I spent ELEVEN hours talking to my biological parents. The things I learned about them, ABOUT ME. It's like wow. I opened my closet and all sorts of emotions came out. It's beautiful really. 

My face literally hurts from smiling I'm so happy. Hindsight may be 20/20, but looking back on things I thought were so important in the past is hilarious. On one hand I'm ashamed of my immaturity, but on the other I'm so proud of my growth. I stopped being friends with people for reasons that seem so trivial now. I didn't tell exes how I really felt until it was far too late. Not even when I really loved them and adored our time together. I've developed this habit of keeping my true feelings to the vest and now that I'm beginning to embrace them, the world is opening up in ways I hadn't imagined. 

I'm an extrovert so I've always been a people person, and I've even been celebrated for my "straight shooter" approach to communication. But there are so many things that I never said out loud for fear of what they might mean about me for thinking them. It's funny how I've always respected and revered some people for their honesty, but it was the last thing on earth I was doing. 

So honestly, my soul is smiling so big right now and I have the courage to say it OUT LOUD. Amidst everything going on in the world, I am utterly and completely happy with myself and my life.